Interview with the Tenchi Cast!
by Charlemagne
Summary: I conjure up Tenchi to mess with his head and answer all the questions we've been wondering!
1. Default Chapter

Interview with Tenchi Masaki  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Tenchi Muyo save perhaps Ryo-ki and that's because I lured him to my house with a carrot one night.   
  
Well it is every man's dream to be doing an interview with a fictional character and since I'm an amateur author I decided to fulfill that dream by interviewing Tenchi Masaki in a series I like to call…well I haven't got a name for it yet but just bear with me. My first guest in this series will be the SUPPOSED star of wonderful OVA, comics, movies, and not quite so wonderful television.   
  
[Tenchi is conjured out of thin air in my living room]  
  
Interviewer: Hey.  
  
Tenchi: What the? Oh your not a space warlord or god or anything are you because if you are I've got to warn you I've got a…  
  
[Searches around frantically for his sword]  
  
Tenchi: Oh man.  
  
Interviewer: No, no I'm not a space pirate or anything. I'm just here to interview you about your love life and several other embarrassing questions.  
  
Tenchi: Huh?  
  
Interview: Just answer the stupid questions or I'll do something very unpleasant like stick you in Washu's lab for all eternity.  
  
Tenchi: Ahhhh, okay okay.  
  
Interviewer: Okay the question on everyone's mind is I think 'Are you gay'?  
  
Tenchi: What?   
  
Interviewer: Fruity, Swings the other way, Homosexual, Doesn't go for the la…  
  
Tenchi: Yeah I know what it means. I just want to know how you ever got that impression.  
  
Interviewer: Well you live with let's see; …. Washu …. Ryoko …. Ayeka …. Sasami … Kiyone….Mihoshi after your body and you haven't jumped one. Why is that?  
  
Tenchi: What the…Sasami's twelve years old for crying out loud.  
  
Interviewer: Eight actually.  
  
Tenchi: And she's doing all our cooking? Oh my….what the hell kind of sister is Ayeka?  
  
Interviewer: Speaking of which, this is a more personal question from me to you. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?  
  
[Shakes Tenchi]  
  
Tenchi: Ahhh!   
  
Interviewer: I mean for god sakes Ayeka is the most attractive woman in history! She has purple hair! She's rich! Traditional! Purple hair! Wonderful family! Jurai nobility! Great in bed! Cares about you! And for some reason she likes you. Dump the pirate and get to be Emperor!  
  
[Tenchi stares at me like I'm a madman]  
  
Tenchi: How do you know what she's like in bed?  
  
Interviewer: Trust me on this. I'm a fanfic author.  
  
[Interviewer gets a drink]  
  
Tenchi: Right….um if you don't have any more questions can I…  
  
Interviewer: NO!  
  
Tenchi: Okay…  
  
Interviewer: Next question, what the hell is up with your father? Dirty old man and if so how did he land your mother?  
  
Tenchi: What? I'm not answering that…ewww I don't even want to think about that.  
  
Interviewer: She's a babe, he's a typical anime geek. Now he's sneaking peeks at your girls, it aint right.  
  
Tenchi: Actually I have kind of thought about that myself. I mean he's my father and all but sometimes…I just…  
  
[Interviewer leans in]  
  
Tenchi: Want to have a really serious talk with him.  
  
[Interviewer throws his hands up in disgust]  
  
Interview: Okay next question, aside from the occasional lightsaber blow why aren't you more aggressive?  
  
Tenchi: Ummm I dunno.  
  
Interviewer: I'll take that as I was wussed out by my hentai loving father father and intimidated by my crazy seven hundred year old samurai grandfather.  
  
Tenchi: What? Where are you getting this…  
  
Interviewer: Just bear with me…so what was up with Sakuya? You dump the white haired fanged pirate chick who I admit looks good in a bikini and the PURPLE HAIRED GODDESS YOU ARE UNWORTHY TO BATHE IN THE SPITTLE OF OR STAND IN THE SHADOW OF for her.  
  
[Tenchi's eyes widen]  
  
Tenchi: Ummm she's human?  
  
Interviewer: Human?  
  
Tenchi: Uh yeah. Or I thought she was…  
  
Interviewer: Yeah you were just banging another eight year old there.  
  
Tenchi: OH FOR CRYING OUT…well your right.  
  
[Interviewer looks at Tenchi in surprise]  
  
Interviewer: Uh go on…  
  
Tenchi: I mean Sakuya was everything a guy could want…  
  
Interviewer: Save purple hair and being a princess.  
  
Tenchi: Righ…yeah except for that and she looked great in a swimsuit. Well I mean if I gave into Ryoko I mean am I going to end up a pirate? She's not the settling down type here and I don't know anything about ruling a country let alone a planet so Ayeka well…  
  
Interviewer: Let her rule you fool!  
  
Tenchi: I'll give her your phone number, your Yosho's other grandson. How about that?   
  
[Interviewer stares with awe at Tenchi's brillance with naked desire and hope]  
  
Tenchi: So shut up and let me finish my story okay! So Mihoshi and Kiyone….well dang. I don't need to say what they're about but they want to be galaxy police officers…  
  
Interviewer: Correction, they are galaxy class police officers.  
  
Tenchi: So I've been told. Yeah but I really don't want to leave Earth…or have to learn how to pilot a star destroyer or whatever I'd have to do in Space. I like it here with my family and shrine and…sometimes….sometimes I admit I wish it had never happened all of it.  
  
[Interviewer conjures a lightsaber and prepares to cut him down]  
  
Tenchi: AH! Hey I said sometimes! Most of the time I've very grateful they came by and I can't imagine my life without them  
  
[Tenchi shouts at the top of his lungs as the Interviewer sits down and deignites lightsaber]  
  
Interviewer: And what about Washu?  
  
Tenchi: She scares the living Hell out of me. What do you think? Plus she's twelve years old most of time…though awfull…no not going there. Sasami I repeat IS tw…eight, geez what kind of stuff are we doing to that poor girl? She did my laundry yesterday.  
  
Interviewer: So rumors of you and her after she face hugger/chest busters with Tsusami are all hocus-pocus?  
  
Tenchi: What?  
  
Interviewer: You know when Sasami is made into a hot babe but may or may not lose her soul to that mysterious and thus evil tree babe.  
  
Tenchi: Is that all you think about?  
  
Interviewer: Actually no these were the top questions I had compiled out of thousands of fans submissions. My original interview was about your feelings being trapped as part Juraian in a destiny beyond your control and how you deal with that.  
  
Tenchi: Well I…  
  
Interviewer: Quiet the fans want to know who you want to sleep with.  
  
Tenchi: If I said Ayeka would you let me go?  
  
Interviewer: Maybe.  
  
Tenchi: I want to sleep with Ayeka  
  
Interviewer: I KNEW YOU WERE JUST AFTER THE SEX YOU STINKING LYING DOG!  
  
[Tench groans before sinking his head into his hands]  
  
Interviewer: Oh well Mr. Masaki you can go. Next up, Ryoko…or Ayeka if she calls. Heck I'll even settle for the cabbit.  
  
-Comments please  



	2. Ayeka, first princess

Next up on our list is the most beautiful woman in the world of Tenchi Muyo and other lands where she's drawn the same. No not Ryoko. No not Sasami you perverts. No not Kyione or Mihoshi! Alright who said Tokaimi?  
  
AYEKA  
  
Okay haha, the dead silence is a REAAAAAL laugh riot. Well she's my favorite character so deal.  
  
[Interviewer conjures Ayeka]  
  
Ayeka: Good evening, I understand your Tenchi's cousin?  
  
[Smiles to himself at the lie Tenchi told in his favor]  
  
Ayeka: The…gay one?  
  
[Silently promises to rend Tenchi limb from limb in many fanfics]  
  
Interviewer: Um no that's Tenchi's OTHER cousin. I'm quite straight.  
  
[Ayeka nods]  
  
Ayeka: Ah.  
  
Interviewer: Your highness we have numerous questions here posted by those who wish to know more about you I'm supposed to ask you.  
  
Ayeka: That sounds lovely, where shall we begin?  
  
[Interviewer looks down at his interview questions then stares in horror]  
  
Ayeka: Is something wrong?  
  
[Staring at a dozen questions which roughly translated as "Whatever the Hell did Ryoko ever do to you, you mean spirited purple haired bitch?" with the occasional substitution of "Whatever the hell did Sasami ever do to you, you nasty cruel purple haired bitch?", he immediately grabbed the clipboard and tossed it in the fireplace]  
  
Interviewer: Justsaythefirstthingthatcomesintoyourmind…..WILL YOU MARRY ME YOU PURPLE HAIRED GODDESS?  
  
[Ayeka moves back shocked as the Interviewer slaps himself]  
  
Interviewer: Um unless the answer is yes, please ignore that.  
  
Ayeka: I suppose.   
  
[Interviewer clears throat]  
  
Interviewer: What attracts you to Tenchi Masaki?  
  
Ayeka: Ah yes. I was expecting a loaded question like that to be coming. Tenchi you know warned me about you. I know all your tricks.  
  
[Interviewer stares shocked wondering what exactly she considered loaded and what she would have done if he'd given even a Toonami edited style version of the questions he'd been given]  
  
Ayeka: Well if you must so, which you don't but I will tell you in the interests of intergalactic peace. I admire Tenchi's nobility.  
  
Interviewer: His blood?  
  
[Interviewer desperately prays no or he's going to have to kidnap Tenchi for a transfusion]  
  
Ayeka: Oh goodness gracious no. I admire his courage, strength of character, respect for tradition, love for his family, and his innate dignity.  
  
[Interviewer does subtle swaying Happy dance because he's got all that]  
  
Ayeka: Pardon me but do you need a doctor?  
  
Interviewer: Oh no…no I'm fine. Joyous in fact.  
  
[blushes and wonders how he's going to bluff his way through the next few questions]  
  
Interviewer: So it's been…commented on that you have a….occasionally….mild sense of disc…dis…disagreement with Ryoko on ocassion?  
  
Ayeka: Commented on? By who?  
  
[Interviewer is terrified and thinks of who Is the least dangerous person to pin this one on]  
  
Interviewer: Umm uh….WASHU!  
  
Ayeka: Ah yes, of course.  
  
[Interviewer stares, wondering how long it will take Washu to dissect him on a lab table for that one]  
  
Ayeka: Yes unfortunately my relationship with THAT woman has occasionally left something to be desired. I've long since forgiven her for her attack on Jurai and the depriving me of my intended husband who languished for seven hundred years in exile on this backwater world because of his noble sacrifice to stop her…however she's very rude and I don't like that.  
  
Interviewer: Errr didn't Yosho elect to stay here?  
  
Ayeka: THAT'S A VICIOUS LIE AND WHOEVER IS SPREADING IT I WILL PERSONALLY REND LIMB FROM LIMB UNTIL THEIR BLOOD FLOWS OUT THEIR EARS!  
  
[Interviewer knocks the coach backwards trying to get away from Ayeka's sudden outbust]  
  
Interviewer: Uh right. My mistake.  
  
[Interviewer sighs in deep deep love and terror, yes much terror]  
  
Ayeka: Your forgiven my cousin and potential suitor. I assume large gifts to show your devotion to me will be arriving at my father's palace shortly.  
  
[Interviewer nods vigorously as he reckons he can write something up and the lady of purple hair would kill him otherwise]  
  
Interviewer: Now about your relationship with your sister Sasami?  
  
Ayeka: Is this another one of your puissant questions about how I am less than amicable to those whose roof I share?  
  
Interviewer: No! No! I'm just wondering however it is you maintain such a wonderful loving relationship to her.  
  
[Ayeka's face visibly softens]  
  
Ayeka: Ah well that I can answer. Sasami's loyalty to me is quite fierce and I would gladly go through the terrible tortures of Tokaimi rather than she her harmed in any way shape or form.  
  
Interviewer: Umm then why did you take her on a seven hundred year mission to seek out your brother when she could have spent it…ummm playing?  
  
Ayeka: Hahaha you silly boy.  
  
[Interviewer waits for an answer and realizes one's not forthcoming but decides to forgive the purple haired one and move on]  
  
Interviewer: If you become Emperess…I mean WHEN you become Emperess what will some changes be to the administration you intend to make?  
  
Ayeka: Changes? Oh Oh I see what you mean. I intend to make Earth part of the Jurai empire.   
  
Interviewer: You plan to conquer us?  
  
Ayeka: I prefer the term annex but effectively supplant your culture completely with our own and interbreed to rejuvenate our weakened bloodlines. That sort of thing.  
  
[Interviewer tries to get past the breed part to contact what last remnants of Earthly dignity he has]  
  
Interviewer: That's…great! Can't wait.  
  
[Interviewer realizes he has not very much apparently]  
  
Ayeka: Your enthusiasm is most encouraging.  
  
Interviewer: Okay for the final part of our interview we'd like you to say the first thing that pops in your head when I read off these names.  
  
Ayeka: How very odd. Still it sounds fascinating.  
  
Interviewer: Ayeka  
  
Ayeka: Goddess.  
  
Interviewer: Couldn't agree more. Mihoshi  
  
Ayeka: Blonde  
  
Interviewer: I wonder what the stereotype for purple hair is on Jurai.  
  
[Ayeka whispers and the interview turns pale and blushes deeply]  
  
Interviewer: Tenchi  
  
Ayeka: Boytoy  
  
[Interviewer is not surprised in the slightest]  
  
Interviewer: Ryoko  
  
[Ayeka thinks for a moment]  
  
Ayeka: Bitch  
  
[Interviewer is still not surprised]  
  
Interviewer: Washu  
  
Ayeka: Pikachu  
  
Interviewer: Eh?  
  
Ayeka: What? You said first word that popped into my mind.  
  
Interviewer: Okay. Yosho.  
  
Ayeka: TRAITOROUS DOG!  
  
Interviewer: Ummm Noboyucki  
  
Ayeka: Dead meat if he looks at me like that again.  
  
Interviewer: Fair enough.  
  
Ayeka: Sasami  
  
Interviewer: Sweet…hold on. I think we got it reversed. Sasami  
  
Ayeka: Slave. You already said Sweet.  
  
Interviewer: Err and finally Tsusami.  
  
Ayeka: The Creature from the movie Alien.   
  
Interviewer: Uhhmmm well that was a good interview.  
  
Ayeka: Why thank you.  
  
[Ayeka passionately kisses the interviewer before he faints and she leaves with a smile]  
  
-Comments?  



	3. Ryoko, space pirate

  
Ah third on our list will be Ryoko! The Space pirate! Hey will you stop with the deafening applause? It really gets on my nerves.  
  
[Interviewer summons Ryoko]  
  
Interviewer: So the biggest question on everyone's mind is why do you want Tenchi? Are you just a big skank or wh….URK!  
  
[Ryoko holds the Interviewer by his throat]  
  
Ryoko: I've already heard about you from Tenchi and even Ayeka so here's how it goes. You ask what questions I want you to ask. You ask them how I want you to ask them and if you don't I will do things to you that would make Kagato vomit. Comprende?  
  
[Interviewer nods horrified]  
  
Ryoko: Goody  
  
[Interviewer is let go for a gasp of breath]  
  
Interviewer: So what's your favorite color?  
  
Ryoko: Yellow.  
  
Interviewer: thatexplainswhyyouliketenchi  
  
Ryoko: Hmmmm?  
  
Interviewer: No nothing. Nothing at all. So how does it feel to be free from seven hundred years of imprisonment?  
  
Ryoko: Pretty good! Except for the fact of the freaking family reunion I'm getting when I come out to mess up my day and the fact I live with that STINKING PIECE OF OFFAL WHO IMPRISONED ME.  
  
Interviewer: I sense some hostility to Yosho.  
  
Ryoko: No shit Sherlock, what tipped you off?  
  
Interviewer: Just a guess. Recently you resumed your career as one of the galaxy's most infamous pirates and from the looks of the animation probably killed about fifty-three to a hundred police officers while robbing numerous planets blind. Given the fact you were in no way under Kagato's influence how do you justify that?  
  
Ryoko: Child abuse, I don't remember it happening, I was possessed by an alien entity.  
  
Interviewer: You were not!  
  
Ryoko: Bah as long as long as the courts believe it.  
  
[Interviewer growls something and scribbles down a note to call anyone but Mihoshi and Kiyone in the police after this for a tip-off]  
  
Interviewer: So can you describe your relationship with the rest of the Masaki household?  
  
Ryoko: A never-ending living hell.  
  
Interviewer: Perhaps I should be more specific….  
  
Ryoko: Okkkay.  
  
Interviewer: Tenchi  
  
Ryoko: Inoffensive guy who I think with just the right amount of prodding could snap and take over the galaxy. Plus I've been a mummified corpse for the past seven centuries so wanting to jump his bones doesn't hurt either, nice ass too.  
  
[Interviewer gives heterosexual guy 'ewwwww' look]  
  
Interviewer: Right….so rumors that it also hurts Ayeka are just Ayeka fan wish fulfillments.  
  
Ryoko: Ayeka fans? * snort * All two of you want to believe that.  
  
Interviewer: Hey we are legion!  
  
Ryoko: Yeah and the cabbit isn't a demented idea for a death-ship and obviously the product of Washu's brain.  
  
Interviewer: Speaking of which what do you think of Washu?   
  
Ryoko: Ah yes Mommy-dearest. I'm still wondering what the hell the old ba…sorry young bat did to me while I was still an egg. I mean for Tsusami's sakes why couldn't I have had someone normal for a parent like…  
  
Interviewer: Noboyuki?  
  
Ryoko: While I can appreciate the man's desire to sneak a peek the toll for such involves scissors and a very sensitive area.  
  
[Interviewer crosses his legs]  
  
Interviewer: Now for Sasami…  
  
Ryoko: The girl is cuddling up to my ship so she can take it to become a pirate herself!  
  
[Interviewer blinks]  
  
Interviewer: I beg your pardon?  
  
Ryoko: Oh like you didn't notice! That rabbit is the embodiment of death to a thousand colonies! Sasami is the oppressed younger sister who while doing excellent whites and colors also burns for something more to do with her life so she's going to steal my ship and attack jurai when she's like oh…ten.  
  
Interviewer: Uh huh.  
  
Ryoko: Fine, don't believe me. When your planets reduced to ash by the dread pirate Sasami it'll be no sweat off my back.  
  
Interviewer: Dread pirate Sa…okay we'll move on finally to Ayeka.  
  
Ryoko: Ummm I really actually respect and *snerk* like her. Hahahahaha.  
  
Interviewer: Oh come on! The Ova backs that up.  
  
Ryoko: Yeah she's the wind beneath my wings. *snort* Hahaha!  
  
[Interviewer waits until Ryoko's peels of laughter stop]  
  
Interviewer: Okay and now for everyone's favorite galaxy police detectives Mihoshi and Kyione.  
  
Ryoko: Gee that's a toughy. I have to say I'm very glad Mihoshi is so good natured about the whole mass murder, terrorism, robbery thing. Plus my blaming her for all of it and about a half a million other things. I'm very happy to have her on board as my friend, maybe next time I blow up a planet she'll take the wrap.  
  
Interviewer: *growl*   
  
Ryoko: Hey how many blondes does it take to put on a battle suit?  
  
Interviewer: I honestly don't know.  
  
Ryoko: One if your grandfather is the Commissioner!  
  
Interviewer:…and Kiyone?  
  
Ryoko: I think she has a thing for me.  
  
[Interviewer just loses all his patience]  
  
Interviewer: WHAT?  
  
Ryoko: Hey I'm sorry to disappoint all my adoring male drooling fans but I don't swing that way but hey…come on look at Kiyone, you can't tell me she's not the type to go after the feminine?  
  
Interviewer: Uh I…NO!  
  
Ryoko: Eh suit yourself.  
  
[Shakes the image out of his head after a few seconds to Ryoko's grin]  
  
Interviewer: You mentioned the rather large section of the fanbase you've managed to acquire, particularly in America. Do you have any idea why this is?  
  
Ryoko: I don't have purple hair. It's a real turn off.  
  
[Interviewer throws down questions]  
  
Interviewer: IT IS NOT!  
  
[Ryoko laughs out loud then taps her fingers]  
  
Ryoko: It's the whole bad girl thing in which the aggressive girl goes after the un-aggressive guy. Plus I'm this poor widdle…  
  
[Her eyes grow large and disturbingly like Mihoshi's]  
  
Ryoka: Abused child of Washu who was kidnapped by the bad man and spent hundreds of years pining for someone like Tenchi. Cry Cry boo hoo I'm his soul mate Sob.  
  
[Ryoko's eyes go back to normal cynical]  
  
Interviewer: Right. So did you pine for Tenchi all those years he was visiting the shrine?  
  
Ryoko: Hell yes, he was the only game in town.  
  
Interviewer: Well that about covers that for this interviewer.  
  
[Ryoko looks to the public]  
  
Ryoko: I love you all you happy wonderful people you! Keep sending your e-mail and letters to the Masaki Household care of RYOKO RULZ AYEKA SUCKS at P.O box….  
  
[Interview frantically sends Ryoko away]  
  
  
-Comments?  
  



	4. Sasami, second princess

Okay now the interviews that have gone before haven't necessarily gone well for me thus far [crosses his legs nervously] however I'm now going to interview the one person on Tenchi who absolutely positively is everyone's favorite character after Ayeka….  
No not Tokyo scene extra 3#! Geez aren't there any Ayeka fans out there?  
  
Great, dead silence.   
  
I mean Sasami!   
  
Oh NOW you give a a chorus of ooos and ahhhhhs!  
  
Well without further ado I hereby conjure today's special guest…  
  
[Sasami appears with Ryo-oki]  
  
Sasami: Hello.  
  
Ryo-oki: Rowr  
  
[Interviewer looks at the small little bundle of joy and contentment and then looks at his questions, feeling now immensely guilty]  
  
Sasami: Are you going to interview me?  
  
Interviewer: Err that's the idea.  
  
Sasami: Yea!   
  
Ryo-oki: Rowr…  
  
[Sasami gives the cabbit a carrot which he munches on as the interview commences]  
  
Interviewer: Errr Sasami well I….  
  
[Interviewer looks at the cabbit chewing and Sasami's big eyes and can't resist wrapping both in a gigantic cuddle]  
  
Sasami: Ooooomph!  
  
Interviewer: Sorry I had to get that out of my system first.  
  
[Sasami fixes her hair]  
  
Sasami: No prob. Happens all the time.  
  
Interviewer: Well I guess…I kinduv have to get to the questions now…  
  
[Interviewer chews lip nervously]  
  
Sasami: Okay.  
  
Interview: Ummmm do you uh….how do I broach this…LIKE Tenchi?  
  
[Interviewer feels like a louse as he reads the question posted by apparently a large section of the pedophile population of internet]  
  
Sasami: Absolutely! We're cousins and he's great. He was nice enough to let us stay in his house and he's absolutely ado…  
  
Interviewer: No Sasami I mean like as in…err….ummm want to…marry him, yeah!  
  
[Interviewer blushes furiously and says the Lords prayer for forgiveness after this]  
  
Sasami: OH! Well if Ayeka doesn't want him and Ryoko I think I could make a great wife! I do all the cooking, cleaning, and most of the chores anyway!  
  
[Interviewer squeezes tears away from the innocence of said comment]  
  
Interviewer: Yeah, speaking of which, some people have commented that you probably shouldn't be doing that at your age.  
  
[Sasami looks hurt]  
  
Sasami: They don't think my cooking is any good?  
  
Interviewer: No! I mean no they think it's…  
  
Sasami: I follow the recipes right! Honest! I'll do better I swear!  
  
Interviewer: No no! Your doing fine! No it's just…  
  
Sasami: Is it the laundry? Should I add more starch?  
  
[Interviewer feels like Satan]  
  
Interviewer: Never mind.  
  
Sasami: Oh, okay. I really will try and help out more!  
  
Interviewer: Okay well let's move on with the interview to errr…Oh my God.  
  
[Looks at the next question]  
  
Sasami: You shouldn't swear. What is it?  
  
[Interviewer lifts up clipboard to his chest to hide it from Sasami to hide the "So Sasami what do you think of all the steamy loving fics out there baby" question posted by his questioneers]  
  
Interviewer: There's…it's a question which asks what you think of your fan popularity which is second only to Ryoka, particularly among the adult…population.  
  
[Interviewer gets a bad taste in his mouth]  
  
Sasami: You mean all that stuff on the internet with me and tenchi, me and Ryoka, me and Ayeka, me and Ryo-oki, me and the galaxy police, me and Yosho, me and Nobuyoki, and sometimes me and them all at once?  
  
Interviewer: Errr you know about that? The stuff with the…  
  
[Sasami sticks her tongue out]  
  
Sasami: NC-17 before it? Ya. I clicked on it one night while I was at fanfic.net looking for some Sailor Moon fictions. I figure I'm seven hundred AND eight years old so there wouldn't be too much of a problem.  
  
[Ryo-oki spits]  
  
Interviewer: Um yeah.  
  
Sasami: I asked Ryoko what all the words meant. She just laughed so I asked Tenchi then I had to sit in a corner for a week after his granddad overheard him trying to explain. I don't understand adults.  
  
[Interviewer avoids snorting laughter just barely]  
  
Interviewer: Okay.  
  
Sasami: I think he's still cleaning out the bath tanks.  
  
Interviewer: So Sasami you have your own show in Japan now. What do you think of the fandom that's made you the first character to have a spinoff?  
  
Sasami: Is the same fandom who makes the NC-17 stories where I…  
  
[Whispers in Interviewers ear the rest]  
  
Interviewer: Oh my God! No!  
  
Sasami: Oh good then I like them. I like being a Sailor Scout.  
  
Interviewer: I don't think your technically supposed to be a Sailor Scout.  
  
[Sasami looks disappointed]  
  
Interviewer: Well um you get the dress….*shudder* which is amazingly short and to fight bad emotions…  
  
Sasami: Rei won't be coming to my birthday party? I even have Usagi hair…  
  
[Sasami begins to tear up]  
  
Interviewer: No No your Sailor…Sun or something…your…of course they're coming!  
  
Sasami: Oh good.  
  
[Interviewer wonders if it was like this on Jurai for Ayeka]  
  
Interviewer: So now onto your relationship with the goddess…WHO THE HELL WRITES THESE QUESTIONS?  
  
[Interviewer throws down clipboard]  
  
Sasami: Shhh don't hell and don't cuss or I may have to tell my dad you aren't right for Ayeka  
  
[Interviewer freezes up]  
  
Interviewer: Uh no Don't do that.   
  
[Gets cabbit a carrot and pats Sasami on the head]  
  
Interviewer: Some people are curious what your thoughts about the upcoming merger with Tsusami will mean…to…for…you in your mind?  
  
Sasami: Oh it's going to be great! I'm going to be a goddess and very pretty!  
  
[Interviewer bites his lip]  
  
Interviewer: Your not…worried?  
  
Sasami: About what?  
  
[Interviewer doesn't have the heart to proceed with that line of questioning]  
  
Interviewer: So finally we'd like to hear your feelings on your fellow cast members.  
  
Sasami: Okay day.   
  
Ryo-oki: Carrrrots.  
  
Interviewer: Oh God you even like Jar Jar.  
  
Sasami: hehehe he reminds me of Mihoshi except she's got a gun and is blonde.  
  
Interviewer: Okay that covers her, Kiyone?  
  
Sasami: She's nice.   
  
Interviewer: err okay…Nobuyuki?  
  
Sasami: He's nice. He let us live in his house and is always paying attention to us.  
  
Interviewer: Yosho?  
  
Sasami: He's a really big brother now!  
  
Interviewer: My parents are diabetic you know Sasami. What are your feelings on Washu?  
  
Sasami: She's nice and has cool inventions for us to play with. Tenchi must be very happy we can visit him any time now with that warp gate!  
  
Interviewer: So I hear! Ryoko.  
  
Sasami: Redemption is great! Now she's no longer a mean old space pirate serving Kagato but a heroine! It's too bad about those fifty-three galaxy police cruisers or so…and that bank…  
  
Interviewer: Okay now for Tenchi himself.  
  
Sasami: Snicker, he's got lots of love trouble though I don't think he's as sure as all those fanfics portray him…..or could do that stuff with his…  
  
Interviewer: YEAH! Um okay! Good um you can stop now I get the picture.  
  
Sasami: Okay you forgot Ayeka and Ryo-oki.  
  
Interviewer: Okay what do you have to say about the beautiful purple haired vixen?  
  
Sasami: Who?  
  
[Interviewer slaps himself in the forehead]  
  
Interviewer: Your sister.  
  
Sasami: Oh well, I love her and wish her the best. I think she has a big temper but her hearts in the right place, plus she'll make a great queen of Jurai.  
  
Interviewer: No aspirations to the throne yourself?  
  
Sasami: No silly, I'm going to be a goddess.  
  
Interviewer: *underhisbreath* If Tsusami hurts her so help me God I'll tranform her into the badfic victem of the century.  
  
Sasami: Pardon?  
  
Interviewer: Ryo-oki.  
  
Sasami: Oh she's so cute and she's a space ship too. I hope she grows up big and strong! She's my friend.  
  
Ryo-oki: Carrrots.  
  
Interviewer: Well that's it for the interview! Until next time when we interview the galaxy police!  
  
Sasami: Byeee!  
  
[Sasami fades away with a smile]  
  
-Comments?  
  
  



	5. Kiyone, the Hard Nosed Detective

Well we're now well into our interviews of the Tenchi cast and having interviewed the three main characters of the Tenchi series in the star, our lady of Red lovely eyes, oh yeah the *cough* pirate, and the lovable Sasami it's time to get to some of the less visible characters but no less beloved.  
  
You can cease the Washu chant, we'll get to her in due time. Specifically when I've taken an advanced physics course and get some Jurai bodyguards.  
  
Thus let's get to everyone's second favorite Galactic Police Officer Kiyone….  
  
Ow will the Kiyone fans stop throwing stuff!  
  
[Conjures Kiyone]  
  
Kiyone: Hello.  
  
[Kiyone pulls out a small computer]  
  
Interviewer: Welcome to our interview Kiyone, it's an honor to have you here.  
  
Kiyone: Out of curiousity yesterday did you interview an eight year old girl named Sasami?  
  
Interviewer: Uh yes…  
  
Kiyone: Was they're any physical contact or touching between you?  
  
Interviewer: Well I hugged her.  
  
[Kiyone grits her teeth]  
  
Kiyone: UH-huh.  
  
Interviewer: Listen what the hell is this about?  
  
Kiyone: We're investigating molestation charges.  
  
Interviewer: WHAT?  
  
Kiyone: Was there any sexually orientated discussion between you?  
  
[Interviewer looks around remembering the bizarre fanfic conversation]  
  
Interviewer: Well th…READ THE TRANSCRIPT!  
  
[Interviewer hands it over to her with a huff while Kiyone reads it carefully]  
  
Kiyone: Uh huh well everything seems to be in order here. I'll tell Miss Ryoko that we don't have grounds. Just a routine follow up.  
  
Interviewer: GRRRRRRRRR…  
  
Kiyone: So are you going to interview me or what?  
  
Interviewer: Uh sure. So are you and Mihoshi like together?  
  
Kiyone: She's my partner.  
  
Interviewer: Ah I've always suspected.  
  
Kiyone: Wait, hold on, what are you implying?  
  
Interviewer: Nothing that you haven't already confirmed.  
  
Kiyone: Now wait just a damn minute here….  
  
Interviewer: Next question, what did you do to get stuck with Blondie? Did you sleep with a superior officer and got caught, beat suspects, DUI with the starship or what?  
  
[Kiyone turns several shades of red]  
  
Kiyone: I AM A VERY GOOD DETECTIVE OF THE GPF! THE BEST!  
  
Interviewer: Uh huh and how do you explain the fact Mihoshi's performance level drops every time you enter the immediate vicinity?  
  
Kiyone: SHE'S THE BAD LUCK CHARM, NOT ME!  
  
Interviewer: and how do you answer the fact Ryoko the infamous murderess and pirate remains still free and living in the lap of backwater planet luxury while you a galaxy police officer are frequently present with no sign of attempted apprehension. Is this just a sign of gross incompetence or are rumors of you and her…  
  
[Kiyone whips out her pistol and points it at the Interviewer's head]  
  
Kiyone: No one mourns a child molester.  
  
Interviewer: Okay how do you explain your meteoric rise to first class detective for the Galaxy Police at such a young age?  
  
[Kiyone doesn't move her stare from the Interviewer or blink as she puts her gun away]  
  
Kiyone: Dedication and unwillingness to compromise.  
  
Interviewer: I've noticed.   
  
Kiyone: Keep noticing.  
  
Interviewer: It's been commented that of all the Tenchi characters you seem to be the only one aside from the men who is apparently fully human.  
  
Kiyone: This is correct and I'm a damn good looking one as well.  
  
Interviewer: I won't argue that point in the slightest however it's been also noticed that this makes seemingly precocious little sense unless your from Earth.  
  
Kiyone: I'll let that one slide if you don't refer to it again in the slightest.  
  
[Kiyone's tone carries the subtle motioning to her pistol]  
  
Interviewer: So what about your fans who say your perfect for Tenchi.  
  
Kiyone: Well I definitely think as a good role model for young women blessed with skill with weapons yet not sacrificing my femininity…  
  
Interviewer: Errr  
  
Kiyone: I should definitely be on the show more and preferably in my own show which I hope I'll be able to take over with the new galaxy police series once I drive off their token male character.  
  
Interviewer: That's not what I asked.  
  
Kiyone: What passes behind closed doors between me and the Prince is my business, you got that child molester?  
  
Interviewer: I'm not a child molester! I'm an Ayeka fan!  
  
Kiyone: Same difference!   
  
[Kiyone is hit from offstage by the once hidden Ayeka fans]  
  
Kiyone: Owwww! I thought you guys were a myth!  
  
Interviewer: That should teach you to listen to fanfic as an indicator of a character's popularity, now Kiyone your first appearance wasn't in Tenchi proper but a series of Sasami…  
  
Kiyone: A reason I'm very protective of her..shhhh I'm not advertising that.  
  
Interviewer: Do you have any idea why you were thus brought into Tenchi proper?  
  
Kiyone: Just like the galaxy police thought, they thought Mihoshi needed someone to balance the blonde nature and a beautiful brunette with talent up the wazoo ain't half bad.  
  
Interview: Okay then what DO you really think of Mihoshi?  
  
Kiyone: I take my job seriously…and the problem is Mihoshi takes it seriously as well but she's…err easily distracted. Absolute heart of gold and I think she's a friend to the end but….  
  
Interviewer: Easily distracted. Would you like another partner?  
  
Kiyone: *grumble* Probably not. As much as I hate it sometimes I'm glad to say that I've been able to do the good I have been with her only because of her. I just wish we were in a region that had more traffic. Are they're any crimes you'd like to confess to make this trip worthwhile?  
  
Interviewer: I'll try and think of some.   
  
Kiyone: Good. Just make sure you talk into the wire I'm wearing.  
  
Interviewer: Your wearing a wire?  
  
Kiyone: Yes wanna guess where?  
  
[Interviewer blushes and backs away]  
  
Interviewer: Err…ummm….What is the source of this driving ambition of yours?  
  
Kiyone: I'm stuck with Mihoshi, don't you think that gets around the office?  
  
Interviewer: I suppose.  
  
Kiyone: Not to complain about sexism in the galaxy police but I think I'm being held down too.  
  
Interviewer: You've mentioned you want a higher traffic area. Has it occurred to you with Tokimi, Kagato, and numerous other evil gods, goddesses, pirates, and scientists that you have a actually prestigious assignment?  
  
Kiyone: Hmmm I never thought of it that way.   
  
Interviewer: Now seriously why not arrest Ryoko?  
  
Kiyone: Whole saved life thing and it would hurt Mihoshi.   
  
Interviewer: Hurting Mihoshi is more important than the lives…  
  
Kiyone: YOU TRY AND REFUSE HER WHEN THE WATERWORKS GET TURNED ON!  
  
[Interview nods and puts away his questions]  
  
Interviewer: Favorite movie?  
  
Kiyone: Intergalatic Space Jockeys and Miss Congeniality.  
  
Inteviewer: Okay that's all folks, next Mihoshi!  
  
[Interviewer sends Kiyone away]  
  
-Comments  



	6. Mihoshi, Cuddly Bundle of Sunshine

Ah there's nothing like an interview to brighten one's day and today's special guest star is the brightest star in all of Tenchi Muyo!  
  
No not Ryoko! We already did her!  
  
I mean Mihoshi!  
  
[Conjures the Blonde haired one]  
  
Mihoshi: Oooooo wow. That was neat! How did you do that?  
  
Interviewer: I'm a fanfic author.  
  
Mihoshi: Wow! That's neat! Could you make Tenchi fall in love with me and me like Queen of the universe then?  
  
Interviewer: Well I suppose I could…  
  
[Mihoshi closes her eyes and waits]  
  
Interviewer: Um let's finish the interview first?  
  
Mihoshi: What interview?  
  
Interviewer: the one we're having.  
  
Mihoshi: I'm being interviewed? Great!  
  
[Interviewer bites his tongue knowing this is going to be like cheerleader practice with his niece]  
  
Interviewer: So Mihoshi you're a member of the galaxy police force.  
  
[Mihoshi salutes]  
  
Mihoshi: First Class detective Mihoshi reporting for duty!  
  
Interviewer: Yes well some have questioned your rank in it on occasion.  
  
[Mihoshi blinks then pulls out her badge]  
  
Mihoshi: Well that's odd it says it right here.  
  
[Interviewer shakes his head]  
  
Interviewer: Let's try a different track. They're curious how you got that rank.  
  
Mihoshi: By being the best darn detective in the galaxy!  
  
Interviewer: Kiyone actually claimed that in the previous interview.  
  
Mihoshi: *giggle* *snort* Oh she did, did she?  
  
Interviewer: Yes she did.  
  
Mihoshi: Well good for her!  
  
[Interviewer checks his clipboard wondering why nothing offensive has happened yet]  
  
Interviewer: Actually some have wondered if your grandfather being the commissioner of the Galaxy Police Department has anything to do with your high rank.  
  
Mihoshi: Oh absolutely! He's been a real inspiration in everything and I'm very glad to have him as a role model to succeed in capturing the not very nice at all like Kagato.  
  
Interviewer: Again not exactly…let's move on. How do you justify the fact Pirate Ryoko is still free?  
  
Mihoshi: Well I don't know much about it but I think Tenchi let her loose, you really should have asked them in their interview.  
  
Interviewer: No I mean why didn't you arrest her?  
  
Mihoshi: Oh because her warrant ran out and she's such a sweet gal, it just wouldn't seem right. Especially when she helped me capture Kagato and rescue Tenchi.  
  
Interviewer: Well I…actually Tenchi killed Kagato.  
  
Mihoshi: Hahah silly no he didn't.  
  
[Interviewer stares at Mihoshi]  
  
Interviewer: Righhht.  
  
Mihoshi: I hope they reform him. He did a lot of bad things.  
  
[Interviewer privately wonders what Mihoshi's reports on incidents in the series would look like]  
  
Interviewer: Yes I understand he did.  
  
Mihoshi: That's why they should reform him.  
  
[Interviewer gets very irritated before watching Mihoshi curl up on his couch in a sunbeam]  
  
Interviewer: Mihoshi what are you doing?  
  
Mihoshi: Mmmm sunlight.  
  
[Interviewer watches her then gets himself an iced tea and waits twenty minutes while she snores quietly and purrs]  
  
Interviewer: *quietly* yyymmcaaa…it's fun to stay at the yyyymmmmcaaaaa.  
  
[Mihoshi sits up and yawns]  
  
Interviewer: Glad to see you're awake.   
  
Mihoshi: Is the interview over yet?  
  
Interviewer: No.  
  
Mihoshi: Oh.  
  
[Mihoshi looks disappointed]  
  
Interviewer: Don't worry we'll get to making you queen of the universe sometime.  
  
[Mihoshi brightens instantly which is rather like staring at a supernova]  
  
Interviewer: Uhhhh ummm well let's get into the race issue.  
  
Mihoshi: I'm all for all races living in peace and harmony even the ugly, stinky, and evil ones.  
  
[Interviewer bursts out laughing and tosses his clipboard away]  
  
Mihoshi: It's no laughing matter though I must admit I feel the ugly, stinky, and evil ones should be taught the merits of cosmetics, good hygiene, and ummm goodness.  
  
[Interviewer continues laughing]  
  
Interviewer: No I meant your not human.  
  
Mihoshi: Oh no that came out! Oh dear I wonder if I have to immigrate now officially. I have job skills! Really!  
  
Interviewer: Uh…huh?  
  
Mihoshi: I can type eight words per minute!  
  
[Interviewer shakes his head]  
  
Interviewer: No it's though….actually some have speculated that you may actually be a descendant of Washu through the commissioner thus making her your great grandmother.  
  
Mihoshi: SHE IS? WOW! Small universe!  
  
[Interviewer quietly gets up and leaves the room before screaming and coming back]  
  
Mihoshi: Mihoshi…what are you doing?  
  
[Interviewer watches Mihoshi pointing her gun at his kitchen]  
  
Mihoshi: Target practice.  
  
[Interviewer ducks as laser bolts start flying through his house and Mihoshi finishes after about forty shots]  
  
Mihoshi: I just remembered I hadn't done it this morning.  
  
[Mihoshi blows her gun as the Interviewer gets up from behind his couch holding his left arm]  
  
Interviewer: Right….well let's finish up this interview before I head to the burn ward of my local hospital.  
  
Mihoshi: I have a medi-kit…  
  
[She starts getting out a scalpel with a laser out of her cube]  
  
Interviewer: NO! I mean, no thank you.  
  
Mihoshi: Suit yourself.  
  
Interviewer: Yeah. Theres been some speculation also you may be a goddess like Washu or Tsusami.  
  
Mishohi: I am?  
  
Interviewer: Yes….yes you are.  
  
Mihoshi: Excellent!  
  
Interviewer: Okay to wrap this interview up we'd like your opinions on everyone in the Masaki household?  
  
Mihoshi: Even the weird old pervert who hangs around the women's baths?  
  
Interviewer: Yes even Tenchi's dad.  
  
Mihoshi: Oh no I mean this guy in a trench coat whose been creeping around the place for the past few weeks, I'm ready to call the local police.  
  
Interviewer: *blinks* you should do that.  
  
Mihoshi: I don't like him to answer your question.  
  
Interviewer: I did…what's your opinion of Tenchi Masaki?  
  
Mihoshi: He's a hero and deeply in love with me. I'm glad we're getting married and hope we have beautiful children with my looks and his heart.  
  
Interviewer: Right.  
  
Mihoshi: Unless they're boys in which that would be kind of weird.  
  
Interviewer: I can't believe the interview with Ryoko was less crazy…so what's your opinion of Tenchi's family?  
  
Mihoshi: Does this include Juraians like Sasami and Ayeka? If so how much ancestral detail do you want to include? Aside from his great grandfather, step great grandmother, and great grandmother I don't know many.  
  
Interviewer: Let's focus on Yosho and Noboyuki for now.  
  
Mihoshi: Nice guys!   
  
Interviewer: I thought that would be what you'd say. What do you think of your Partner Kiyone?  
  
Mihoshi: She's like a cute little puppy dog, a rottweiler except I understand she's more attractive…me being a girl and all I can't comment on her appearance.  
  
Interviewer: Never st….never mind. Ryoko.  
  
Mihoshi: I'm so glad the galaxy president pardoned her and she was made an honorary princess of Jurai.  
  
Interview: When did…  
  
[he remembers it's Mihoshi]  
  
Interviewer: Err so am I! Sasami and Ayeka?  
  
Mihoshi: It's so sad Sasami is going to be possessed by that awful goddess. I'll just have to rescue her!  
  
[Interviewer blinks wondering why the fates would make her the only willing to do something]  
  
Mihoshi: Ayeka's fun too. I'm glad she found a long lost cousin of Tenchi's to marry.  
  
Interviewer: HE DOESN'T HAVE AN..  
  
[Interviewer remembers he lied to Ayeka]  
  
Interviewer: Oh yeah him. Great guy.  
  
[Mihoshi nods vigorously]  
  
Interviewer: Finally Washu.  
  
Mihoshi: I should get her something for mother's day!  
  
[Interviewer sends her away with a wave of his hand and waves it several more times for good measure]  
  
Interviewer: Next...WASHU!  
  
-Comments? 


	7. 

Next on our list is the last of the Tenchi girls unless I choose to interview his beautiful daughter or brief girlfriend Sayuki…..*must keep straight face* HAHAHAHAHAHAH. Okay now we've got that seriousness out of our system let's interview…  
  
WASHU!  
  
[Interviewer disappears and appears strapped to a table in Washu's lab]  
  
Interviewer: AHHHHHH!  
  
Washu: Quiet. I'm just going to do a little exploratory probing and you'll be fine.  
  
Interviewer: AHHHH!  
  
[Washu looks into my eyes]  
  
Washu: Quiet can mean with a mouth or without a mouth.  
  
[Inteviewer gets very quiet]  
  
Washu: Gooood.  
  
[Washu pricks his finger and takes a blood drop before putting a band-aid on it]  
  
Washu: There done.  
  
Interviewer: That's it?  
  
Washu: Want me to do a sperm count?  
  
Interviewer: No!  
  
Washu: Okay then let's get on with the interview with the greatest scientist in the universe.  
  
Interviewer: Kagato?  
  
Washu: Hmmm I think a big sample will be needed…  
  
Interviewer: Ahhh! You, you, you!   
  
Washu: Of course me.  
  
Interviewer: Your daughter apparently gets a lot of traits from you.  
  
Washu: But of course.   
  
Interviewer: Can you let me off of this table? Or at least loosen the restraints?  
  
Washu: No. Next question.  
  
Interviewer: Okay the obvious question.   
  
Washu: Why are you in my universe rather than the other way round?  
  
Interviewer: Actually it was why the 12 year old body but that had occurred to me.  
  
Washu: I'm attempting to determine the origins of fan fic authors power to avoid being forced to do unspeakable things to people. However the twelve year old thing just is a whole looks deal. I'm a serious world class babe you realize with five planets and pink hair, I have to keep the suitor's hands off me.  
  
Interviewer: the fact you've restrained me sort of prevents that now doesn't it?  
  
Washu: You'd be surprised *wink*  
  
Interviewer: Errrr….  
  
Washu: Next question.  
  
[Interviewer desperately fumbles for a question]  
  
Interviewer: So I understand your a goddess?  
  
Washu: Ex-goddess actually. Long ago it was just me, Tsusami, and Tokimi but then I decided that the world was being deprived by my just being a mysterious, enigmatic, but dead sexy entity. So I ditched most of the power, kept the knowledge and began my tour of the galaxy.  
  
Interviewer: Is that when you met the father of your child?  
  
Washu: Hereafter referred to as the rat bastard, yes.  
  
Interviewer: Out of curiosity if even then you were the greatest scientific mind in the universe…  
  
Washu: I was.  
  
[A laser appears between the Interviewer's legs and starts arching upwards slowly]  
  
Interviewer: Been watching Goldfinger have we?  
  
Washu: Hmmm?  
  
Interviewer: *sweats* and you were an ex-goddess how could the man find you a commoner unworthy his time oh beautiful pink haired…goddess…whose the greatest genius in the galaxy and a wonderful mother.  
  
[Washu turns off laser and records some notes]  
  
Washu: The subject known as the rat bastard came from a VERY important family and he was an idiot.  
  
Interviewer: Of course…milady…to abandon one such as you.  
  
Washu: Oh you flatter me you cute little bundle of proteins.  
  
[Washu pinches the Interviewer's cheek]  
  
Interviewer: Ye…Yes. So what about the rumors that the Commissioner of the Galaxy is your son and Mihoshi is your great-granddaughter?  
  
Washu: I'd question just how closely my bloodline has been interbreeding to produce such results.  
  
Interviewer: Oh that's mean she's really quite smart….just..err…  
  
Washu: Blonde. I did a study on the scientific effects of pigments on personality and outlook…tsk tsk tsk shocking.  
  
Interviewer: Why can't our scientists be so practical? So what inspired you to make Ryoko and Ryo-oki?  
  
Washu: Well Ryoko was an attempt to fulfill that special need inside of me for a daughter but not require to involve the godless race of abominations that is men in the process.  
  
Interviewer: Errr okay.  
  
Washu: I was bitter. Seven thousand years in a box will fix that though.  
  
Interviewer: Right…  
  
Washu: I'm much more bitter about other things now. Do you need all your appendages?  
  
Interviewer: YES!  
  
[Washu snaps her fingers]   
  
Washu: Oh darn. Well as for Ryo-Oki I felt I needed something cuter than a rabbit or a cat and longer lived then I realized why not make it the galaxy's most powerful starship too? It was sheer genius and only requires beta-keratin as fuel.  
  
Interviewer: Errr the depths of your mind are as usual…awe inspiring.  
  
Washu: Again your so sweat, do you want an extra appendage?  
  
Interviewer: NO!  
  
Washu: Oh fine be that way with two legs, two arms, and a single head.  
  
Interviewer: Um uh right. So why did you take Kagato on as a student? Many people have wondered given his blatant evil.  
  
Washu: Good in bed. Next question.  
  
Interviewer: EH?   
  
Washu: I said NEXT QUESTION!  
  
[The laser restarts]  
  
Interviewer: Some people have commented on your feelings for Ryoko…and how your occasional displays of affection are ummmm….thoughtless?  
  
[Interviewer recognizes he will probably die so he might as well maintain some journalistic intergrity…before he realizes he has none]  
  
Washu: How can you say that?  
  
Interviewer: You locked her in your lab after she'd been imprisoned for seven hundred years in a cold dark place, with the lights off!  
  
Washu: Oh that! Bah! I could do seven hundred years standing on my head! In fact I have.  
  
Interviewer: Perhaps a story for a later time…  
  
Washu: Yes and Ryoko should be grateful I'm helping her overcome her fears. So wanna play Doctor?  
  
[Washu snaps latex gloves on as the Interviewer tries to muffle a scream he's about to make]  
  
Interviewer: Let's finish the interview first.  
  
Washu: Okay.   
  
[Washu puts on laboratory glasses and then ignites a blowtorch]  
  
Interviewer: Oh G…so what's your relationship with Tokimi and Tsusami?  
  
Washu: It's a whole goddess/sisterhood thing. Threes are important numbers in primitive superstitious societies…like yours! I think Tsusami is supposed to represent nature, I order and civilization, and Tokimi destruction and chaos.  
  
Interviewer: Think?  
  
Washu: It's been awhile, you never know if either of them decided to get a life by now.  
  
Interviewer: Right. Is Ryoko going to replace you as a goddess because she has the three gems?  
  
Washu: Yep…hehehe sucks for her.  
  
Interviewer: You really are a ter…GREAT mother.  
  
[the Interviewer corrects as he wonders what the chainsaw is for]  
  
Washu: Aint I though? So last questions. I'm getting kind of bored here.  
  
Interviewer: Oh God…  
  
Washu: Yes?  
  
Interviewer: I said God! Not goddess!  
  
Washu: Just wait til I'm through. You'll not even remember our lady of the purple hair and bloodshot eyes.  
  
[Interviewer is terrified…and admittedly slightly intrigued before shaking his head]  
  
  
Interviewer: So what do you think of Tenchi Masaki?  
  
Washu: Wow he's got quite a little inner energy battery! I think he'd be good for Ryoko as well because he can survive the occasional disintegrator bolt she's bound to throw during a lover's spat but might regret later. Plus unlike the majority of men he's inoffensive and easily controlled.  
  
Interviewer: Uh huh.  
  
Washu: Easily means that they don't need my twenty thousand years at it.  
  
Interviewer: HELP!  
  
Washu: No chance of that arriving.  
  
Interviewer: Okay finally…the rest of the household? *gulp*  
  
Washu: Hmmm that's a toughy. Aside from being woefully mortal I think Kiyone and Mihoshi are some of the nicest Galaxy class police officers that they've managed to produce in the last few millennium. Ayeka will make a wonderful queen as soon as she realizes anything with half my DNA can crush even a great gal like her in half a decasecond in a race for a boy. Sasami will make a great Tsusami even though I must admit one would think she'd aspire higher than being a tree. I gave my opinion on Ryoko which is she's half as wonderful as me which is just amazing and Ryo-oki which is after he's done being a good little spaceship he'll taste great with some cabbage. Yosho is pretty cute for an old guy and Noboyuki will make excellent spare parts for Tenchi should he get hurt and need organ transplants I can't easily replicate *snort*.  
  
Interviewer: Your horrible!  
  
Washu: You ain't seen nothing yet.  
  
[Washu goes over to get some more power tools as an alarm blares off in the distance]  
  
Washu: Oh blast my death star's thermal exaust ports are exploding again.  
  
Interviewer: Eh?  
  
Washu: I'll fix that damn design flaw if I…  
  
[She rushes off as Ryo-oki bounces in and begins gnawing through the restraints]  
  
Interviewer: Bless you small cabbit!  
  
[The interviewer disappears in a flash] 


End file.
